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this is prolly not the best first impression to make, but its good therapy if anything.......just need to vent a little bit. i have been in school for the past year and of course with that comes added weight. sure its only 20 pounds and i wear it well but i can feel it and it doesnt feel good. most of my friends are larger than i am by a good 50 pounds and i think they all look great, but when they express a desire to lose weight i try to support them by offering to workout or walk with them or by just listening. heres the kicker though.....how come when i express my desire to lose weight they say things like, oh you look great, you dont need to lose weight, or please I am the one who needs to lose? now i dont want to be stick thin mind you, im just not built that way and i dont think its attractive, but i would like to fit into my "normal" clothes again and feel better. i am 35 y/o, 5'5" and this morning weighed in at 169. i really only need to lose 19 pounds but its getting harder to lose as i get older and my metabolism slows. everyone knows that last 20 is the hardest to lose. wish i had some nice one-liners to throw back at those who think i look fine and just pooh-pooh me because 20 pounds is "nothing". thanks for letting me gripe a little ..........ill be more fun after my "monthly visitor" leaves. kyss

I have to admit, I'm guilty in saying those things to people. Why? I guess there are two reasons. One is support. I support that the person may want to lose weight, but I don't want them to think they HAVE to lose weight to be liked. I want them to lose weight for themselves. The second reason is that compared to me, these people are thin! That is, I can only wish I was as "heavy" as they are. Now, I will admit, some of the people I say this to do have a little gut or extra flab - but compared to the mounds of flab I still have, it's nothing. I hope to get down to their size some day. I bet it's this second reason that your friends are using. Compared to them, you are a stick. And for what it's worth, accept that as a compliment. You may need to drop 20 pounds, but they may need to lose 50 or more! Over the years, you've stayed in far better shape than they have - so let yourself acknowledge that fact. Of course, the important thing here is not what people say, but what they do. When your friends say this to you, acknowledge their words, but then admit that "everyone" could always be in a little better shape. Then see what type of exercise program they want to do. It's more important to start exercising than worrying about who needs to lose weight more. :) Good luck!

I agree, they are probably trying to make you feel better. If they are all heavier than you by 50 pounds they think of you as "skinny". Forget what other people say. Seldom is it worth a darn. Nice to meet ya and good luck! :welcome

maybe the green eyed monster "envy" is to blame? if your friends are "bigger" than you, the fact that you are "smaller" maybe threatens them in some way? do it to feel better and look better. there would be nothing like slipping into a dress that had a single number!! maybe your friends would like to join you on your journey to being healthy?

thanks.......i dont think envy is the reason tho......my friends are all gifted with beauty, smarts, and charm and waaayy better style than me. i do however see what you mean about maybe i am a stick compared to them. i just felt like maybe it was a reverse predjudice because i am "not that fat". i see what you mean tho..........i do have one friend who is a size 8 but she thought she needed to lose weight so she did. it was only about 8 pounds but she looked and felt better and now i remember thinking how frivolous her wanting to lose weight seemed to me. guess i just needed someone else to remind me ..........thanks ladies

by the way ..........i look terrible at single digit size! i look best in a 10-12..........lots more womanly! NEVER lose curves! kyss

Well, I work with a couple of women who are very thin -- size 4 and size 6. One of them is in *extremely* good shape with three marathons and a trip to the base camp of Mt. Everest under her belt. Neither one of them needed to lose any weight, but they both went on the South Beach diet to lose a few pounds -- one lost about 10 and one lost about 8 pounds. I also have another friend who has only gained about 20 pounds in the 7 years I have known her and I still think she looks awesome, if not better than when I met her. But we were talking about her wanting to lose weight and the idea of the other two wanting to also, and I stated my frustration that none of them needed to. Her reply to me was, "I don't think it matters how much you weigh. When you gain weight beyond what you are comfortable with, you don't feel good and you want to get rid of it. Even 20 pounds to me makes me feel bad about myself." That statement gave me some perspective. Even if I weighed *close* to my goal weight, I would still probably want to lose the last little bit so I could feel good about what I've done. And I remember that when someone says something about "skinny" people wanting to lose weight. As long as it's for the right reason -- yourself -- then it doesn't matter how much it is. Maybe you can use that to give your friends some perspective. I know that I have moaned about people in my life only wanting to lose 10 or 20 pounds, but I don't do it anymore because that's what they need to do to feel happy about themselves.