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Sounds like your bf is immature... However, it could be that he didn't really want you to leave or was cranky about something else the two of you had done that night, so he was just venting (attaching to something silly like chatting with your cousin). Alternatively, maybe by chatting with your cousin, it appeared to him that you left his place to do something "better". :roll: Again, it's immature, but he might have been insulted or a little threatened. Lastly, maybe he just feels threatened by your cousin in some way - especially if this cousin is male. Or, perhaps he felt that you weren't JUST chatting with your cousin, but perhaps with other guys. Either way, this is his own insecurity and jealousy - not your issues. If he's just had this little outburst once, let it slide. He may have been cranky about something else, as I wrote above. However, if you see this type of behavior again and again, then it's clear to me he's insecure and immature. It's then up to you whether you want to be with this type of person. If the pros outweigh the cons, go for it. But if he's picking these little fights all the time, then it could mean that his insecurity is to the point where he wants to control you so he could feel he's "in charge" of something. That doesn't make for a healthy relationship.
wow... crazy you say all that. We have been together off and on for a year now. Breaking up, over stupid issues. He doesnt like me going out with friends... ESPECIALLY males. I have no male friends anymore. when im at home "chatting" he always needs to know who. He wants to know what im doing always. Last night, he was just picking a fight with me. But usually i argue back... its like his declaration for war. I the battle begins.... but this time, i just said "are you finished" and when he was like "yes" i said.. ok... I love you and im going now. And i didnt even say anything back to him. I do love the guy... but he is controlling and i know that. I dont understand why though. Your assumtions were right.. He is immature! and controlling. I dont understand why, and i want him to change. but its hard. Its like, if i dont do something his way... he'll loose it. I know its not healthy, but... im stuck. We broke up a month ago, i thought for good. but i did miss him a lot. im not sure what to do.
i have no use for men. the less of them, the better!
Hello on_my_way! Men can be like that sometimes. More and more people are meeting love interests online these days (the reason why he asks "who" you are chatting with) You have to do what makes **you** happy. You mention that you have broken up and got back together a number of times, so maybe you need to look a little deeper inside yourself to find the answer. What would make you happier.. being able to have male friends without a hassle or being with your bf? just a little something to think on, if nothing else..
Well, it's been a while since I was in the dating world, but I can tell you that I married my husband because he not only treated me well, but because[b:2152eed045] I [/b:2152eed045]liked who I was with him. I thought I met the man of my dreams when I was 15, but after we broke up 6 years later, I realized how much I could improve. So, I would repeat what [b:2152eed045]Sharon88[/b:2152eed045] said, it's more about what makes you happy. I wish you luck. Going through things like this is always hard...
[quote:def13b6e89]I dont understand why though. Your assumtions were right.. He is immature! and controlling. I dont understand why, and i want him to change. but its hard. Its like, if i dont do something his way... he'll loose it. [/quote:def13b6e89] hello on my way. men can be pains, that is for certain! have you ever had a level headed conversation with him about this? if you haven't, it might be worth doing. typically people aren't going to "change" the way they behave. making someone "change" because you want them to rarely works out either, and it's a matter of time before they revert to their old ways. if you are young, there are a lot of people out there you have yet to meet. another question.. we are all here trying to lose weight.. is he supportive of you? what happens when you drop that extra weight and suddenly he sees a stronger, more beautiful you? will he be jealous? will he be happy? will he still want to be with you if you show interest in having male "friends" maybe these questions aren't all that important on this day, but sometime in the future they could mean everything. :!:
MEN! Can't live with'em. Can't kill'em and bury'em in the backyard!
I first read your post a few days ago and have thought about it a lot! Is your boyfriend a drinker? Why I am asking is because I went through a similar 'controlling' situation with my husband. When I married him he only drank rarely. As more kids, mortgage and debt started getting heavy he started drinking more and more. I ended up getting a job and things still didn't change. He actually got worse. When I would leave for work he would make comments about the men I would come in touch with etc. He got so controlling that he would pitch a fit about me even going out with my mother. Losing weight on my part didn't help the situation either. Needless to say we would fight for days just over a simple outing. I was totally in the dark that his problem was as big as it was. My mother pointed it out to me that something needed to be done. So, with his family and mine, we confronted him about it. I told him that if he didn't get help, that he was to leave and the locks would be changed on the door the next day and that I would have a restraining order put against him and he would not be allowed to see our kids. Since doing this, he has been sober since March 11, 2003. And he has stopped being controlling over every aspect of my life and he is more enjoyable to be around. I am finally with the man I married 11 years ago. This may or may not pertain to your particular situation, but it might pertain to someone else's. If he is just that way, then all I can say is (along with everyone else) you have to follow your heart. Good luck Charity
That was a thoughtful post, Charity. I can relate to what you said, as I grew up in an environment like the one that you described. My mom gave my dad the same ultimatum as you, but he chose the beer. They were divorced when I was 7. He hasn't changed his drinking, and is pretty much the same person he was 25 years ago.. plus a few pounds, and short some hair.. Everyone is different, so congrats to your hubby on putting the drink aside! You are a very lucky gal!!
Hunny, if it gets any worse, I say leave him. I know thats not what you want to hear, but read on for just a second. I come from an abusive relationship, and you are starting to fit the bill. I got married at 18, (big mistake!!!!) and I had almost a year invested in this relationship when it started getting bad. Actually, it was bad all the time. He was constantly wanting to know what I was doing, who I was with, constantly calling my cell phone, and "checking up" on me. Constantly putting me down, making me second-guess myself, and I thought it was just annoying, but I never would have guessed. After we got married, it got worse, one minute, he would be throwing stuff at my head, the next he would be begging me to forgive him. One minute, he would be choking me, the next, he would be threating to call the police because he said that I had started it. I wasn't allowed to leave the apartment without him, and if I did, it was only with my mom, and he kept calling. One night, he went to his soon to be brother in law's house for his batchlor party, (which I told him I did not want him going to, and I told him that.) He took MY car, said he would be back in 10 minutes with something to eat for me, and came home over 8 HOURS later, drunk. Someone had to drive him home, leaving MY car there!!! When I asked him what the heck he was doing, he simply punched me in the face, shoulder and chest, told me to leave him alone "bi***" and simply fell asleep. It doesn't get any better. If he is controlling now, it only gets worse. No matter how much you care for him, now matter how much you have faith that he can change, (it wasn't uncommon for my ex to have a good night at church, then come home and beat the crap out of me for no reason!! Chruch!!!!) it simply wont happen. I have scars on my arms where he tried to slash me, its horrible!! Please, for your own sake, and for your future, be careful, and get out. I appologize if that was too much, and/or not what you wanted to hear, but I felt it had to be said. I see myself in your story, and I don't want anyone else to end up like me.
starryeyed.. situations do look a lot different if "you are on the outside looking in" my heart goes out to you for what you endured, and i'm happy that you had the strenghth to remove yourself from that situation. no one in this world deserves to be beat up! very rarely does "abuse" just go away. most times it only seems to get worse. i hope that on my way will take a moment to really consider what her bf has to offer her, there are many great men out there and selling yourself short is never worth it! especially if there is phsical or mental abuse. best wishes and congrats for extracting yourself out of a bad relationship!
My heart goes to you women who've suffered. Just know that there are plenty of men out there who truly do place women on a pedastal. These men would never dream of hurting their loved ones in such a manner. I cannot understand why men do these things, nor do I understand why women are attracted to these "bad boys". I just hope that over time, those women will outgrow their fetish and move on to a healthy part of their lives, like you did Starryeyed.